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March 29th, 2010

Or: I've been sick, and I've been stalked and believe me, neither is better... 

Hi all. it's been a while. And I've been deliberating this for a long time. And so this is going to ramble, might go through some edits, and etc, but I want it up here. And I'm going to bring back E.I.E just in time to post something similar. So here goes:P I'd rather crack jokes than be serious, most of the time. I'd rather not talk about anything personal problems wise, or be in any way "dramatic" almost all of the time. I had a lot of things promised, fandom wise, etc. A lot of things i'd have really liked/loved to do, a lot of things I have/had either almost completed or even entirely completed that haven't shown up.  I know a lot of you have encouraged me, linked to the blog, said they were excited, etc.  The thing is, I think i'd rather be "flake who says she's gonna do stuff and doesn't follow through" then tell the truth, in a lot of ways. But here's the truth, and I'm gonna say it as best I can. There's been a lot of things going on, sickness both mental and physical for which lack of insurance kept me from adequate treatment, for one. Having to try to restart and then have to again put off my studies for another. But the most important thing is this:

There are people in my past and present who know this identity, and saying anything under this name, or connected to it in any way isn't exactly safe - not necessarily physically (at least not anymore) but... emotionally, in terms of my privacy, etc, very much so. There's been hacking of various things I've done by said people, and etc. So yes, I'm "safe" for the moment... but not safe enough that anything i do under a name they know might not come back to bite/haunt me, for now. And the truth is, anybody who i talk to online, anybody who is connected with my online identity may indeed get dragged into that. People have been. So I have to stop being "zhinxy" - I have to be extremely careful WHO i am online. And there's a lot of stuff i wanted to/was going to do that can't be done. And that's the way it's just gotta be. So my best wishes to all of you, and I'll add more/edit, as it comes.